A woman once told me that I’d have to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince. I honestly wish this point was emphasized to us more when I first started dating. In fact, I find you kiss more than just frogs. I’m pretty sure I’ve ended up kissing frogs, toads, rats, weasels, and goats. If we are not familiar with the story, a frog asks a princess to kiss him. The princess reluctantly agrees and little did she know the frog was actually a prince! TADA! A prince is revealed! They lived happily ever after of course!
When I first started learning about love as a little girl, I thought that you find your handsome prince and then, boom, happily ever after. It was so magical in the movies. It seemed as if there was one person for everyone. A soul mate that destiny would push together even in the most difficult circumstances.
After some time, I grew out of that dream and looked at real couples. When I looked at adults and even my parents I thought that we grow up, meet someone you like, spend some time with them, get married, have kids, and get a house. The end. Unfortunately, this is not reality either. At least not for the average Millennial Adult.
The reality is that we meet someone, we meet someone again, and again and so on until we may or may not find “the one”. We may even find our perfect prince but he is not looking for a princess and he just wants a “friend” to “hang out” or “Netflix and Chill”.
So let me guide us to that kiss that will magically turn your frog into a prince
Get on the Same Page
I’ve seen it time and time again that a man says they are not looking for anything serious and the woman tries to change their mind. This is defiantly a trap that can get you spiraling downward if you are not careful. We absolutely don’t want to force a frog to be a prince if he just isn’t one. Basically, if someone does not match your lifestyle or meet your criteria, don’t force it. It can be difficult to find someone on the same page or even the same chapter or book. Let’s accept reality when our man says that he is not ready for a relationship or give you a clue that he is not serious saying things like: “We are just friends hanging out!” “Let’s see what happens!” Getting on the same page with the man as what we want is a major key to finding our prince.
Seek out your prince
Everyone seems to have different agendas. So how do we find our prince? First things first. The most popular advice I always hear is to never search for someone and that someone will naturally come. “It will happen when you stop looking!” It was as if looking actually would send out a warning signal for potential matches to run away from you. Some religious people say “Let Adam find his Eve” Somehow trying to meet people hinders your chance? I actually never understood this because there is absolutely nothing else you do in life that just falls in your lap (no pun intended).
If you want a job, you apply for it. If you want to sell something, you advertise. You would never tell someone to just do nothing and you will find great success. So why would you do that same thing for love? So the first thing is to look for it.
I’m not saying that you have to obsess over it. I’m just saying, maybe do little tweaks such as go shopping instead of ordering online or sit and read at the coffee shop instead of your living room. Go out. Be social. Join clubs or go to events based on your hobbies. Hey! Why not smile and talk to the cute guy at the club! Why not start a conversation with the barista at Starbucks? There is nothing wrong with meeting men, talking to them and just having fun enjoying their conversation or company. If anything, it will boost your own confidence knowing that you know how to spark a conversation with men (even if he is the Taco Bell cashier). At least you talked to him! Pat yourself on the back. You’re still focused on your life but you at least give someone a chance to meet you. Doing nothing, hiding in your bedroom in your P.Js and staying in your close-knit circle of friends may be very comfortable but you may not have much success at letting your future prince find you.
Get a Mental “Vision” of your Prince
OK so now you met someone. But how do we avoid the frogs who do not turn into princes? We might think then there must be something about finding someone who meets our criteria. We may be tempted to write a list of infinite qualities. It’s not really a bad idea to know what we want. We definitely should try to be realistic about our list at least. We don’t even have to write it down. Just keep a mental note of what we want but don’t think that that is the only thing required for love. One of my friends encourages making a vision board with words and pictures so that you can see a “vision” of exactly what you are looking for. That way when you see him, he will match your “vision”
In Addition to Criteria, find Someone You Love with Passion
I knew a woman once who thought she had figured it all out. She had created a list of criteria for whom to date. Master’s degree, good career, has his own place, and good credit. When I talked to her about this man she was dating, she said he had everything on the list. However, it seemed to me that there was still something missing. When I asked her if there was spark or passion, she seemed to look at me perplexed. She insisted that he was marriage material. I don’t think she ever thought of love as a passion but just only a checklist for a good partner. Eventually, this man stood her up on her birthday. This was very very sad and disrespectful. If you think about it, it may not have been a surprise because there was probably no real heart or passion in a relationship. Later, she went on to meet someone who, when she talked about him, her eyes sparkled and she had a big goofy grin. I knew this guy was different because she had passion when she talked about him. They eventually got engaged and married. I can’t forget to mention. Yes, by the way, he still had everything on her criteria list.
Be careful about Passion
So that must be the key. Passion must be the biggest difference between a bland partner and romantic love. There is something that a list and criteria can never explain. It must be the spark. But we have to be careful. The spark can lead us astray as well. Have you ever met anyone in a relationship where the man is lazy on the couch and the woman supports him? I am not talking about stay at home fathers or a man who is down on his luck but seeking a job/school. I am talking about smoke all day and chill with video games all day men. Men actively living on the couch while the woman supports him for years. Sometimes being a woman seem to make us have this euphoria with this person but they are absolutely wrong for us. It’s like we get addicted to the man but they have nothing to offer us in return. I think that we can love someone deeply but unfortunately love sometimes is not enough.
Have a balance of criteria and passion
The truth is there must be a balance of a little spark and little criteria or else the whole thing is headed for disaster. The most important thing for our criteria is that your partner is a whole person without you financially and emotionally. Next, do you feel that connection when you are with them? If you do, I think you found something great. Outside of that, you can look for qualities like having things in common, communication, and respect. I mean, of course, there are a whole lot of other qualities you can look for. After all, this is your life and your preferences.
These tips can guide you in the right direction to kissing the least amount of frogs as possible. But remember, we are all human and of course we will have setbacks. Don’t worry if you mistake a frog for a prince. It happens to every Modern Woman at least once. It is all a learning experience. A set back can help us grow as modern women and know what warning signs to look for in the future. So now get out there and kiss some frogs and kiss another and another until eventually your prince is formed. And when he appears!…the real work begins AKA A RELATIONSHIP.