Everyone seems to be in the gym these days. If you have a Plenty of Fish or OkCupid profile, we see that so many of us exercise. Many of us have six packs and toned arms. Muscles aren’t just for men anymore! Women pick up weights too! We are looking fierce and fit as ever. There are some of us who are addicted to the gym and there are some of us who go occasionally. Either way, it appears that more of us have gym memberships, jogging clothes, and bicycles than any other generation out there. We are very health conscious about what we eat and how much we deadlift.
Let’s face it, Millennials know how to kill it in the gym. However, what other people don’t know is that we don’t exercise just for health. There are some real serious reasons why we really work out. Consider, the following:
We Work Out to Carry in the Groceries
Have you ever known anyone to focus on arms and skip leg day? It’s because of groceries. Honestly, when was the last time we took two trips when coming back from the grocery store? I bet we cannot remember even if we tried to think about it. If we have eight bags, nine bags, or even ten bags, believe that we will be taking all of these groceries in on one trip. There is only one thing worse than taking two trips? Not being strong enough to carry all ten bags in ONE trip.
Therefore, we work out really hard in the gym so that we can take one trip. We must ensure that we are strong enough to carry ten bags at once! The best exercises for groceries include those that work the biceps and the triceps. The trick is to hold your keys in your dominant hand and then stack the bags on each arm. It is imperative to have that upper arm strength. There is absolutely no way we are gonna go back to the car. Sometimes we have three flights of stairs but still, one trip will do.
Now, if you just can’t do it, try this tip. Keep the non-perishables, such as chips, nuts, and dry oatmeal in the car, and just take it in the next time you get home. This is still just the last resort and you really need to get to lifting again in the gym.
We Exercise to Look Hot
Being healthy is, of course, a really good and responsible thing to do. We want our blood pressure low and our cholesterol down. It is a responsible adult thing to do to have excellent lab results. After all these good reports from our doctor, what’s the harm in also looking what Zoolander would say, “Really really ridiculously good-looking?” C’mon, what would we rather have, low blood sugar, or amazing selfies. Who of us wants that double chin when we are taking selfies? How many of us hold the cell phone high to avoid this double chin problem! It is proof that we really want to look good! Now, don’t answer out loud if you are embarrassed but admit it. We don’t want too much cellulite or stomach fat. We know we don’t want stomach fat because stomach fat is the known cause of most health problems right?
Well, yes, one reason we work out, but MOSTLY we will be back in that gym to get the stomach off because we want our hotness level to go up! Millennials know that older adults look down on us because they think we are “lazy” but we know we actually work really hard in the gym. It’s not just to please our doctors, it’s too look super hot!
We Want to Make Others Jealous
Have you ever heard of a millennial going to the gym quietly for decades and humbly keeping up their fitness? No! Because this person does not exist. As adults, we know we must exercise, but we also must know we have to hold this exercise over other people’s heads.
Have you ever taken pictures at the gym? Or posted that you had a really good work out? Is there a sweaty picture of yourself on your dating profile? Now, what possible reason could this be? Is it to inspire others to get fit or buy a gym membership? Absolutely not! It is for the sole purpose of making everyone else feel guilty that they are not there. We know that anyone who sees us working out while they are sitting down reading our Facebook feed will get a small twinge in their stomach. That twinge is jealousy and that is the major reason that drives us to keep up the workout.
Great poses for a jealousy work out pictures include:
- A selfie sweating bullets. You can also add some water to your face and shirt to look extra sweaty.
- Get someone to take a picture of you holding a barbell
- A Mirror picture of you standing in trendy gym attire with headphones in your ears. You can caption it with “My beast mode mix”
We Want to Make “Friends”
Going to the gym and putting on extra fitting clothing helps make “friends”. We squeeze into the tightest leopard print yoga pants. Also, we make sure that the spandex highlights our butt with neon colors. It is all for the purpose of making friends. Maybe a friend who will go shopping or brunch with us. Right? We are social and friendly a the gym. We like to wear halter tops and shirts showing off our mid-drift. It is perfect attire for meeting a nice strong friend who is also like-minded in being health conscious.
I have several friends who spend over $100 a month on exclusive and expensive gyms. These are overpriced places to work out with people are rich and make a lot of money! It is all in the hope of meeting an exclusive and expensive….*ahem* friend! It could be friends of the opposite sex. It’s not our fault that the friends we usually make at the gym tend to be of the opposite sex. We can’t help if our new friends are staring at our spandex pants! If these rich men at these exclusive gyms want to talk to us while we work out, then, that’s on them! After all, we are just there to get a good work out! Meeting fit rich men is just an accident!
We are Terrified of the Future
The thing about being a millennial is we are in the middle of younger teenager generations and older generations who are no longer in their prime. We realize we used to be the teenagers and what we do now determines the fate of us as older middle-aged people.
The truth is we are scared to death of the heart attacks at 50 and needing surgery at 45. Also, we can look at the wrinkles that form from when someone smokes for decades. We also see how not taking care of our health leads to a larger and larger waistline. We’re seeing middle-aged people and getting scared of our fate! No one wants to die early! We don’t want to be tired all the time, sluggish, and wrinkled. Our vanity keeps us working out and from smoking too many cigarettes! As we run miles on the treadmill, just know we are running from the grim reaper!
Look, we know that working out is important. We love when our doctors give us high fives because our lab numbers are low in all the right places. However, there are very specific reasons that millennials work out that we may not have realized before. We like to work out and look good doing it. Our desire is to cheat death and make sexy friends. But don’t forget most of all we work out because when it comes to carrying in grocery bags, we can only take ONE trip!