It’s an official break up. What now? It may have been weeks of arguments and fights or feel simply just out of the blue. Maybe, you can’t quite remember who did what or how this all happened but one thing is for sure: It’s over. Your heart is broken. This break up guide will provide some advice to getting over that heartbreak once and for all. This is not a guide to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back. That’s because this guide is all about you and right now they do not matter. You matter. There are no shortcuts to mending a heart but trust I got you girl! Read on.
Step 1: Acknowledge A Break Up Sucks
First of all, I’m sorry girl! Imagine my arms around you because I feel for you. This is such a sucky icky feeling. Some say it feels like throwing up. It feels like you can’t focus on school or work. Your heart is being squeezed from all directions. Part of being a grown ass woman is this: heartbreak. Knowing how to deal with it. Right now the heart is shattered but all is not lost beautiful, keep reading!
Step 2: Know there are 5 Stages of Grief
First identified by Psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler Ross. *
The Five stages of Grief are:
Sorry we can’t escape this inevitable process. Sometimes you will be in Anger and then Depression and then back to Denial. Just let your emotions flow. This is a loss of the person. The relationship. The possibilities. The future wedding. The future children. It’s all gone now. It’s all gone and it hurts like a punch in the gut. Ouch!
Step 3: Think About You
How do you feel? Angry? Sad? Numb? We must listen to our heart. Cry if you need. Let your anger out by screaming into a pillow. Be true to how you feel. No one can tell you how to feel. Even if the person who we broke up with (or broke up with us!) does not acknowledge or validate our feelings. You are enough to validate how you feel. Not your mom. Not your bestie. You are completely enough. Stop thinking about who he is with. Where he is or when he will call you again. Stop browsing social media. Don’t go to the places where you used to hang hoping to see her. This time is for you.
Step 4: Don’t Do Anything You Might Regret Later
Calling him or her 100 times an hour may seem like a good idea at the time but believe me it’s not. You will feel like dog poop after you do that. Who wants to feel like a beggar or have their call rejected 100 times in a row. Going over to his house to tell him off is not gonna work to make you feel better. It will make you more embarrassed and look crazy to everyone including yourself in the end. If you already did this, don’t worry, we all have gone a little crazy for love in the past. It stops now! You have better things to do girl. It’s time to focus on you and YOU are amazing!
Step 5: Healthy Ways To Mend a Broken Heart
This is a personal journey and has nothing to do with him or her. Write a letter of everything you want to say, don’t send it, and burn it (safely). Listen to a break up playlist. Try this one: Best Break Up Songs To Mend Heart Break Write poetry of how you feel. If you sing, write a song. We all have a creative talent! How do you think any love song was written with passion? You think Adele just made up the pain she feels when she sings? Beyoncé’s Lemonade album was written for a reason:
“Middle fingers up, put them hands high
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye
Tell him, boy, bye, middle fingers up
I ain’t thinking ’bout you”
You have soul to put in your work now. How can you express that through the skills you have? Heck, even if you don’t have skills, no one can hear us sing our feelings in the shower and no one needs to read that journal of bad poetry. It’s for you. Vent it girl! Get it out!
Step 6: Find Support Through The Break Up
The people in your life are there for a reason. No one has all the right things to say. Holding it in and being alone and isolated is going to keep you stuck in a rut. There is a time you will just wanna binge watch an entire series while eating a whole pizza and that’s okay!
When you are ready, reach out. If you don’t wanna say how you feel, just plan some time with friends or family. It will make you feel much better. I recommend finding one or two friends who you know support you and you can talk to. Surround yourself with love. You may find you have so many around you that care. Even some you may have neglected while in a relationship. Give them a call. Build or rebuild those connections.
Step 7: Do What Makes You Amazingly You!
Now you have all this empty time you used to spend with that person. What did you do with that time before the break up? Garden, brunch with friends, cook new recipes, jogging? Were you into photography or reading? Did he make fun of you for drawing again so you stopped?? Then you better pick up a pen and doodle. Are you incredible at makeup or fashion? Get back to what makes you, you. If you never stopped, do it more. You are a unique individual and no one can take that from you.
Now, if you are saying you don’t have anything to do..well it’s time to find some hobbies girlfriend. There’s something you always wanted to try. We all were put here with talents and abilities. Filling time with hobbies you love will give you self confidence and make life so enjoyable.
You never needed anyone to make you special. You were born that way! Make your life fun!
Now that you have grieved, found support, hobbies and focused on you, you will have to take one day at a time. Step by step to get on your feet again. The old adage is so true. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If you get through this break up the right way, you will rise out of this with more experience, wisdom, love, and hope.
The sun always rises after a storm.
It shines much brighter than before.
Without rain, we could never enjoy the true beauty of the sun.
Stay strong girl! You got this!
Will you try any of these tips? Do you have anymore break up tips that I missed? Let me know in the comments.
For more on love read my previous post “Dating 101: Finding Our Prince While Kissing the Least Possible amount of Frogs” or “Married 27 Years: The Secrets to Long Lasting Love” Also, London based blogger Kelle has some great tips “10 Things you Can Do to Reinvent Yourself After A Breakup”